Changes That Stick

6 steps to creating the future you

January is supposed to be the time we embrace change. We make plans to be a better version of ourselves. We take New Year’s vows and tell ourselves we must keep them in order to accomplish a goal. And these are good first steps. But then the inevitable happens, and a month or two into the new year we slack off and we are left with excuses and rationalizations. We give up and say, maybe next year. But there is another option, and even though it takes a few steps to accomplish, I think it’s worth it.

Let’s face it. Change can be uncomfortable. Even change for the better can throw us out of our comfort zone. A promotion, for example, feels great until you get the stink eye from someone who sat next to you in the cubicle pit only a month earlier. But, as all the gurus say, change is the only constant. And for someone like me who has difficulty stepping out of the shadows and into the light, real change can seem daunting. Especially when it involves showing my art or writing. So how can change occur on a deeper level? How can we make it stick and ensure it is soul-deep? Here’s my plan for absorbing the changes I want for myself in 2025:

1. Accept that change is difficult and can sometimes be painful. I think society is too focused on comfort and ease. Count how many times commercials use the words ease, easily, quick, in no time, etc., and you’ll see where our values reside. Sure, everyone wants things to come easily, but that rarely happens. If we accept the difficulties of the changes we want to make, I think this creates an atmosphere of calm inside because we’re not expecting things to go smoothly. We are facing the challenge head on and looking for solutions instead of seeing only obstacles. For example, researching literary magazine guidelines is tedious. Reading samples from each magazine takes time, and frankly, I’d rather be writing. But without this step I’ll be wasting time submitting fantasy to magazine editors who read only literary stories, for example. It’s an important step on my way to being a published writer, so I may as well accept it. This is a small example, but I hope you get the idea and apply it to the changes you want to make for yourself. Changing from who you are now to the person you want to be a year or two from now might be hard work. Accept it.

2. Leave feelings behind. This is a hard one for me. Discipline requires feelings to be overridden sometimes. I’m not one of those people who can do this easily. My feelings are always bubbling to the surface, and they tend to get in the way of just about every one of my plans. To combat this I’ve plastered my goals onto the bulletin board in front of my computer. It doesn’t matter how I’m feeling, I must sit down and type out 1,000 words. Recently, I learned this phrase from independent author Joanna Penn: Memento mori. Remember your own death. This is not meant to be morbid, but rather an incentive to live well. Do what’s important to you. This January, I decided to keep track of the passing days. Reminding myself of my goals and just how quickly the month would disappear has helped. Last year I kept saying to myself, I don’t feel like writing today, and it’s only January. I have time. But January turned into February, turned into March, and so on. Don’t let feelings rule your time (within reason, of course!). Put them aside when you need to get the work done.

3. Don’t be afraid of success. The first time I figured this out about myself I was a bit stunned. Doesn’t everyone want to be successful? Well, yes. And no. Being successful doesn’t mean getting a movie deal. It could mean sticking to your schedule. It could mean cleaning your house after putting it off for weeks. It means anything you want it to mean. If you find it difficult to reach your goals, try picturing yourself reaching them. What do you look like? How did you achieve those goals? Picture each step. Can you see yourself doing the things necessary to reach those goals? How different is future you from now you? Sometimes just answering these questions helps you figure out how to make deep and sticky changes. Little successes along the way add up to larger successes later in the process. Celebrate your small successes. It’s a great way to get used to letting yourself shine.

4. Allow for failure. You will fail. We all do. But here is one of the biggest differences between people who fail and people who don’t. The people who don’t get right back into the game. It has taken me a while to figure this out. I tend mope. If something doesn’t go my way, my mind grinds over every detail of how I messed up. I’m trying my best to stop this habit. Remember suggestion 2? Feelings. They are necessary for pointing us in the direction we need to go, but once we are on our way, they really need to climb into the way back. If you fail try not to let too much time pass before you get on the road again. Acknowledge you need help. Maybe you need to take an extra course or read up on something to get it right. Then muster your courage and get back into it.

5. Plan. But don’t be afraid to compromise. I can’t stress this enough. If you don’t plan, how can you measure your success? Write out a list of things you want to accomplish for the day, the week, the month, the year. I’m still in the process of planning for 2025. But I PLAN on finishing by the end of the week. I was never a planner. But I’ve watched years slip by without meeting my goals. No more. Time to embrace the plan. This doesn’t mean the plan can’t be changed. Feel free to make changes as you redefine your goals, as you discover new things you want to accomplish. Don’t be averse to compromise. Our paths forward are rarely straight. They take many twists and turns along the way, and sometimes there are surprises!

6. Be kind to yourself. Change is hard. It takes a lot of courage. Grant yourself grace. Allow for days of rest. Sometimes we need to be with our thoughts. Walking in nature grounds us and gives us perspective, humbles us as we realize our smallness and our greatness. We are complicated creatures, and we need time to untangle our many thoughts, desires, and feelings. Realizing there are times for discipline and times for tea and cookies is the balance we all need. Take this time for yourself. It will give you the energy and creativity you need to keep going.

Over the past couple of years I’ve noticed my own changes from merely sticking to steps 1 & 2. This year I’m incorporating the other steps. Who will I be in the spring? In the fall? Maybe by next winter I’ll have achieved some of my goals. Maybe all of them. I’m ready for this path of discovery.

How about you? What steps do you take to help yourself make changes that stick? I’d love to hear your suggestions in the comments.

Until next time,

Jan

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