Greetings Friends,
Happy Autumn! (if you live in the northern hemisphere).
It’s almost October—really?
Slow-quick
I experienced this summer as passing both quickly and slowly. Quickly because I was busy, and slowly because I didn’t get to enjoy myself as much as I wished. One of the biggest disappointments this summer was I’d planned to visit my home state of New York for a long weekend, but ended up cancelling because a friend got infected with Covid-19. Even though my friend was vaccinated, he needed to quarantine for 14 days. Then I heard from other friends (and the news) that cases were rising in the area where I wanted to hang out. I didn’t feel comfortable in a hotel or restaurant. And even though I believe in the efficacy of wearing a mask, honestly, it’s no fun. Grudgingly, I cancelled my plans. Too cautious? Perhaps. But these types of situations are not where I prefer to take risks. (My friend is fine, by the way. No breakthrough infection. Whew!)
Time ticked by, and my days off from work moved slowly.
Pondering
All of this time alone has given me an opportunity to consider exactly how I want to spend my hours on this planet. The word authentic has haunted me lately, but what does it really mean to me? I have no idea. Many outside voices swirl around my head and I can’t determine which one is from my soul: friends and family offer advice about what they think is best for me, and it can be confusing. Sometimes, I feel I’ve lost my voice. What was my plan, my idea, my vision?
Although 2020 and 2021 have been difficult to navigate, these quiet days have offered a path back to my voice. But this voice has so much to say, and the path towards discovery is a long one.
The Land of Authenticity
Authenticity isn’t a destination. This realization surprised me because what I discovered was that my authentic self keeps changing. My core values won’t change—be kind, don’t judge—but my perspective on a particular idea or ideal is constantly evolving. Some opinions that I thought would remain black or white have developed shades of gray. This is a silly example, but in the not so distant past I wouldn’t read certain types of books because I thought they were insubstantial. Now I’m reading two—and I’m enjoying them. I’ve changed my perspective on something that used to be, for me, a hard No. Nuance is important, and maturity helps sharpen a nuanced vision, if the soul is open. I muse that I won’t ever find an authentic self because I’ll always be searching for my truth. And my truth can sometimes be complicated. The joy of it, as is the way of most endeavors, is the journey and search itself. But during this search, I can find the truest version of me at any given time. It’s a comfort to know that everything involved with this journey is a part of who I am and who I hope to become. By embarking on this journey I’ve learned to ferret out my soul’s voice. This fills me with gratefulness.
Some News!
My novel Close To Dark was recently reviewed by fellow writer Lisa Hodorovych. Check out the review here. I’m always amazed at what others glean from my writing, and I’m always learning from readers. Thanks so much to Lisa for her thoughtful review. You can purchase Close To Dark here.
Do you like reading paranormal short stories? Check out The Headless Bartender, a spooky Halloween read!
Until next time,
Jan